DATE     "TODAY'S QUOTE" ARCHIVE   Receive daily quotes from Quote of the Day.
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12/31/07   I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. -- Voltaire.
12/30/07   Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg.
12/29/07   If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience. -- George Bernard Shaw.
12/28/07   The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. -- William H. Borah.
12/27/07   Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. -- Stephen Vizinczey.
12/26/07   The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. -- Sam Levenson.
12/25/07   This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone. -- Taylor Caldwell.
12/24/07   There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. -- James Thurber.
12/23/07   Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. -- Mark Twain.
12/22/07   I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. -- George Best.
12/21/07   If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. -- Anatole France.
12/20/07   Never tell anyone that you're writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death. -- Lynn Johnston.
12/19/07   Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. -- Laurence J. Peter.
12/18/07   Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. -- Henry David Thoreau.
12/17/07   My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind. -- Albert Einstein.
12/16/07   Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. -- Mark Twain.
12/15/07   A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster.
12/14/07   There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on. -- Robert Byrne.
12/13/07   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak. -- Jay Leno.
12/12/07   I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.' -- Jack Handey.
12/11/07   If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes. -- Robert Redford.
12/10/07   Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. -- Rita Mae Brown.
12/09/07   Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic. -- Thomas Szasz.
12/08/07   People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. -- Soren Kierkegaard.
12/07/07   The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. -- James Branch Cabell.
12/06/07   How many a man has dated a new era in his life from the reading of a book. -- Henry David Thoreau.
12/05/07   Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work. -- Thomas A. Edison.
12/04/07   Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. -- Mark Twain.
12/03/07   Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. -- Jimi Hendrix.
12/02/07   The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. -- Jill Churchill.
12/01/07   The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. -- Marcel Proust.
11/30/07   I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. -- Jane Austen.
11/29/07   His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. -- Woody Allen.
11/28/07   No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings. -- William Blake.
11/27/07   The cruelest lies are often told in silence. -- Robert Louis Stevenson.
11/26/07   Get the facts, or the facts will get you. And when you get them, get them right, or they will get you wrong. -- Dr. Thomas Fuller.
11/25/07   If it is once again one against forty-eight, then I am very sorry for the forty-eight. -- Margaret Thatcher.
11/24/07   Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes. -- Confucius.
11/23/07   I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good…Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder. -- Jay Leno.
11/22/07   Too much of a good thing is wonderful. -- Mae West.
11/21/07   None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
11/20/07   Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it. -- George Orwell.
11/19/07   You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. -- Sacha Guitry.
11/18/07   A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. -- Joan Rivers.
11/17/07   There are two kinds of men who never amount to much: those who cannot do what they are told and those who can do nothing else. -- Cyrus H. Curtis.
11/16/07   There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? -- Dick Cavett.
11/15/07   The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided. -- Casey Stengel.
11/14/07   The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness. -- Joseph Conrad.
11/13/07   God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. -- Voltaire.
11/12/07   People who reach the top of the tree are only those who haven't got the qualifications to detain them at the bottom. -- Peter Ustinov.
11/11/07   The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. -- H. L. Mencken.
11/10/07   It is easier to appease people than to kill them, but that doesn't make it right. -- Horace Aeiouaey, Jr.
11/09/07   Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, 'Certainly I can!' Then get busy and find out how to do it. -- Theodore Roosevelt.
11/07/07   Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. -- Philip K. Dick.
11/06/07   We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. -- Bertha Calloway.
11/05/07   Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. -- Will Rogers.
11/04/07   Drive thy business or it will drive thee. -- Benjamin Franklin.
11/03/07   Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long. -- Ogden Nash.
11/02/07   The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. -- Martin Mull.
11/01/07   Beware lest in your anxiety to avoid war you obtain a master. -- Demosthenes.
10/31/07   If women are expected to do the same work as men, we must teach them the same things. -- Plato.
10/30/07   In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language. -- Mark Twain.
10/29/07   An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. -- Friedrich Engels.
10/28/07   When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henny Youngman.
10/27/07   I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillips.
10/26/07   Reality is something you rise above. -- Liza Minnelli.
10/25/07   Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. -- Thomas Sowell.
10/24/07   Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't. -- Pete Seeger.
10/23/07   When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package. -- John Ruskin.
10/22/07   There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action. -- Bertrand Russell.
10/21/07   The road to hell is paved with adverbs. -- Stephen King.
10/20/07   If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read 'President Can't Swim'. -- Lyndon B. Johnson.
10/19/07   A cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out. -- Samuel Johnson.
10/18/07   Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish. -- Ovid.
10/17/07   People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. -- Hermann Hesse.
10/16/07   The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. -- Russell Green.
10/15/07   Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. -- Carrie Fisher.
10/14/07   Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. -- Hobart Brown.
10/13/07   Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. -- Stephen Vizinczey.
10/12/07   The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket. -- Kin Hubbard.
10/11/07   No great deed, private or public, had ever been undertaken in a bliss of certainty. -- Leon Wieseltier.
10/10/07   Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. -- Kurt Vonnegut.
10/09/07   Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. -- Henry David Thoreau.
10/08/07   There comes a time in every man's life and I've had many of them. -- Casey Stengel.
10/07/07   No human thing is of serious importance. -- Plato.
10/06/07   I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. -- Mother Teresa.
10/05/07   Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death. -- James F. Byrnes.
10/04/07   We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can. -- Cullen Hightower.
10/03/07   I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. -- Groucho Marx.
10/02/07   For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. -- Alice Kahn.
10/01/07   Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow. -- Arthur Stringer.
09/30/07   I have failed many times, and that's why I am a success. -- Michael Jordan.
09/29/07   Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. -- Scott Adams.
09/28/07   If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun. -- Benjamin Franklin.
09/27/07   I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. -- Ian Fleming.
09/26/07   A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child. -- H. L. Mencken.
09/25/07   Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. -- Satchel Paige.
09/24/07   Many would be cowards if they had courage enough. -- Thomas Fuller.
09/23/07   Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. -- Dorothy Parker.
09/22/07   Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
09/21/07   I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -- Mark Twain.
09/20/07   A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. -- Herm Albright.
09/19/07   The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. -- Benjamin Disraeli.
09/18/07   Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always in vain. -- John F. Kennedy.
09/17/07   The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men. -- George Eliot.
09/16/07   When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. -- Eric Hoffer.
09/15/07   There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink. -- Booth Tarkington.
09/14/07   Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. -- John Benfield.
09/13/07   The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' -- Ronald Reagan.
09/12/07   Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
09/11/07   Our enemies have made the mistake that America’s enemies always make. They saw liberty and thought they saw weakness. -- George W. Bush.
09/10/07   Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar. -- Edward R. Murrow.
09/09/07   War is a cowardly escape from the problems of peace. -- Thomas Mann.
09/08/07   Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. -- Martin Fraquhar Tupper.
09/07/07   Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. -- Samuel Johnson.
09/06/07   Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule. -- Stephen King.
09/05/07   It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. -- H. L. Mencken.
09/04/07   Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl. -- Evan Esar.
09/03/07   Maybe this world is another planet's hell. -- Aldous Huxley.
09/02/07   I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. -- Rita Rudner.
09/01/07   Music has charms to soothe the savage breast, To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. -- William Congreve.
08/31/07   It's pretty clear now that what looked like it might have been some kind of counterculture is, in reality, just the plain old chaos of undifferentiated weirdness. -- Jerry Garcia.
08/30/07   Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil, and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
08/29/07   My favorite animal is steak. -- Fran Lebowitz.
08/28/07   To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive. -- Robert Louis Stevenson.
08/27/07   Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. -- Henry Kissinger.
08/26/07   Don't let the bastards grind you down. -- General Joseph W. Stilwell.
08/25/07   Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor. -- Laurence J. Peter.
08/24/07   The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. -- George Orwell.
08/23/07   You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. -- Jack London.
08/22/07   People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. -- Logan Pearsall Smith.
08/21/07   Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. -- George Bernard Shaw.
08/20/07   Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. -- Abraham Lincoln.
08/19/07   Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. -- Milton Friedman.
08/18/07   I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. -- H. L. Mencken.
08/17/07   No man who ever held the office of president would congratulate a friend on obtaining it. -- John Adams.
08/16/07   My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. -- Ronnie Shakes.
08/15/07   Better fare hard with good men than feast it with bad. -- Thomas Paine.
08/14/07   What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance. -- Havelock Ellis.
08/13/07   No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other. -- Jascha Heifetz.
08/12/07   Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen. -- Bob Edwards.
08/11/07   The girl with a future avoids a man with a past. -- Evan Esar.
08/10/07   It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an Airport' appear. -- Douglas Adams.
08/09/07   From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
08/08/07   Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness. -- Sir Robert Hutchinson.
08/07/07   Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. -- W. C. Fields.
08/06/07   In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. -- Ambrose Bierce.
08/05/07   Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. -- Ellen Goodman.
08/04/07   Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities. -- Frank Lloyd Wright.
08/03/07   Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom. -- Albert Einstein.
08/02/07   What you cannot enforce, do not command. -- Sophocles.
08/01/07   I'm the only person I know that's lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year... It's very character-building. -- Steve Jobs.
07/31/07   Only fools are positive. -- Moe Howard.
07/30/07   The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive. -- Thomas Jefferson.
07/28/07   Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire.
07/27/07   We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do. -- Ethel Barrett.
07/26/07   The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. -- Henry Kissinger.
07/25/07   I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. -- Edith Sitwell.
07/24/07   The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities. -- Sophocles.
07/23/07   Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in. -- Leonardo da Vinci.
07/22/07   How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? -- Charles De Gaulle.
07/21/07   I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf. -- Robert Bloch.
07/20/07   A lie told often enough becomes the truth. -- Lenin.
07/19/07   To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal. -- Peter Ustinov.
07/18/07   All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. -- H. L. Mencken.
07/17/07   To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge. -- Benjamin Disraeli.
07/16/07   If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. -- Don Marquis.
07/15/07   Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. -- George Bernard Shaw.
07/14/07   Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. -- Franklin P. Adams.
07/13/07   We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
07/12/07   Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. -- George Eliot.
07/11/07   Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. -- George Burns.
07/10/07   What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
07/08/07   The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois. -- Gustave Flaubert.
07/07/07   All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow. -- Evan Esar.
07/06/07   The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. -- Paula Poundstone.
07/05/07   The forceps of our minds are clumsy forceps, and crush the truth a little in taking hold of it. -- H. G. Wells.
07/04/07   We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. -- US Declaration of Independence.
07/03/07   I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. -- Mitch Hedberg.
07/02/07   The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. -- Mark Twain.
07/01/07   If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. -- Bill Vaughan.
06/30/07   Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. -- Marilyn Manson.
06/29/07   Luck is the residue of design. -- Branch Rickey.
06/28/07   All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why. -- James Thurber.
06/27/07   Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. -- John Kenneth Galbraith.
06/26/07   We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Walt Kelly.
06/25/07   The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. -- George Jessel.
06/24/07   Pain makes man think. Thought makes man wise. Wisdom makes life endurable. -- John Patrick.
06/23/07   Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge.
06/22/07   A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. -- George Moore.
06/21/07   Summer afternoon - Summer afternoon... the two most beautiful words in the English language. -- Henry James.
06/20/07   The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. -- Voltaire.
06/19/07   The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
06/18/07   One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards. -- Oscar Wilde.
06/17/07   An idea is salvation by imagination. -- Frank Lloyd Wright.
06/16/07   As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. -- Robert Benchley.
06/15/07   We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything. -- Thomas A. Edison.
06/14/07   A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing. -- Alexander Hamilton.
06/13/07   I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. -- Groucho Marx.
06/12/07   Indecision may or may not be my problem. -- Jimmy Buffett.
06/11/07   If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. -- P. G. Wodehouse.
06/10/07   Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. -- Ambrose Bierce.
06/09/07   The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. -- Nicholas Butler.
06/08/07   Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse. -- Miguel de Cervantes.
06/07/07   Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. -- John Kenneth Galbraith.
06/06/07   War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory. -- Georges Clemenceau.
06/05/07   We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. -- Kurt Vonnegut.
06/04/07   I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize. -- George Bernard Shaw.
06/03/07   People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. -- Hermann Hesse.
06/02/07   The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane. -- Nikola Tesla.
06/01/07   Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. -- George F. Will.
05/31/07   When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not. -- Mark Twain.
05/30/07   Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half. -- John Wanamaker.
05/29/07   Never seem more learned than the people you are with. Wear your learning like a pocket watch and keep it hidden. Do not pull it out to count the hours, but give the time when you are asked. -- Lord Chesterfield.
05/28/07   I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. -- Mark Twain.
05/27/07   It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. -- Abraham Lincoln.
05/26/07   California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange. -- Fred Allen.
05/25/07   No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. -- Michel de Montaigne.
05/24/07   You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave. -- Sydney Smith.
05/23/07   You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. -- Mark Twain.
05/22/07   The perfect bureaucrat everywhere is the man who manages to make no decisions and escape all responsibility. -- Brooks Atkinson.
05/21/07   Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. -- Woody Allen.
05/20/07   If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher's stone. -- Benjamin Franklin.
05/19/07   He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. -- George Bernard Shaw.
05/18/07   Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. -- Steven Wright.
05/17/07   Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. -- Laurence J. Peter.
05/16/07   Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. -- John Stuart Mill.
05/15/07   Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. -- Michael Crichton.
05/14/07   All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. -- Aristotle.
05/13/07   The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. -- Quentin Crisp.
05/12/07   The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth. -- H. L. Mencken.
05/11/07   Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. -- Carl Sandburg.
05/10/07   You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. -- Michael Pritchard.
05/09/07   A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
05/08/07   One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. -- Larry Gelbart.
05/07/07   Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. -- Woody Allen.
05/06/07   The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
05/05/07   Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid. -- Heinrich Heine.
05/04/07   Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. -- George Bernard Shaw.
05/03/07   America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. -- Evan Esar.
05/02/07   Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. -- H. L. Mencken.
05/01/07   There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? -- Dick Cavett.
04/30/07   Never judge a book by its movie. -- J. W. Eagan.
04/29/07   I know nothing about sex because I was always married. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor.
04/28/07   Americans never quit. -- Douglas Macarthur.
04/27/07   Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -- Edgar Bergen.
04/26/07   In heaven all the interesting people are missing. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
04/25/07   All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. -- George Orwell.
04/24/07   My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. -- Rita Rudner.
04/23/07   Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts. -- Clare Booth Luce.
04/22/07   The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. -- Robert Frost.
04/21/07   A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. -- Thomas Hardy.
04/20/07   Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut. -- Robert Newton Peck.
04/19/07   When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. -- Oscar Wilde.
04/18/07   When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
04/17/07   When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income. -- Plato.
04/16/07   Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. -- H. L. Mencken.
04/15/07   Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it. -- Samuel Johnson.
04/14/07   The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. -- Walter Bagehot.
04/13/07   Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. -- Kurt Vonnegut.
04/12/07   Only the mediocre are always at their best. -- Jean Giraudoux.
04/11/07   When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. -- Brendan Behan.
04/10/07   One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. -- A. A. Milne.
04/09/07   You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. -- George Burns.
04/08/07   Seek freedom and become captive of your desires, seek discipline and find your liberty. -- Frank Herbert.
04/07/07   To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person. -- Bruce Lee.
04/06/07   It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. -- Eugene McCarthy.
04/05/07   Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it. -- Jules Renard.
04/04/07   There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. --Thomas A. Edison.
04/03/07   A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. -- Sir Barnett Cocks.
04/02/07   It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence. -- Mahatma Gandhi.
04/01/07   I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS. -- Robert Bakker.
03/31/07   I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
03/30/07   Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. -- Robert Anton Wilson.
03/29/07   Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. -- George Bernard Shaw.
03/28/07   A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. -- Wilson Mizner.
03/27/07   Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. -- Peter Ustinov.
03/26/07   Never answer a critic, unless he's right. -- Bernard M. Baruch.
03/25/07   Gratitude is merely the secret hope of further favors. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
03/24/07   I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
03/23/07   In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. -- Napoleon Bonaparte.
03/22/07   Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there. -- E. H. Gombrich.
03/21/07   When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. -- Mark Twain.
03/20/07   There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher. -- Victor Hugo.
03/19/07   Read over your compositions, and wherever you meet with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out. -- Samuel Johnson.
03/18/07   Music is essentially useless, as life is. -- George Santayana.
03/17/07   Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. -- Howard Aiken.
03/16/07   Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. -- Thomas Sowell.
03/15/07   When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
03/14/07   I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy. -- W. C. Fields.
03/13/07   To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. -- G. K. Chesterton.
03/12/07   Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. -- Truman Capote.
03/11/07   If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. -- Donald H. Rumsfeld.
03/10/07   The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing. -- Henry S. Haskins.
03/09/07   The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. -- H. L. Mencken.
03/08/07   Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. -- Fran Lebowitz.
03/07/07   We rarely think people have good sense unless they agree with us. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
03/06/07   The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it. -- Doris Day.
03/05/07   It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. -- Woody Allen.
03/04/07   Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
03/03/07   If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. -- Abraham Lincoln.
03/02/07   The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him. -- Russell Baker.
03/01/07   We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. -- David Russell.
02/28/07   I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
02/27/07   The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth. -- Charles Luckman.
02/26/07   But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. -- Benjamin Franklin.
02/25/07   Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. -- Laurence J. Peter.
02/24/07   No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather. -- Michael Pritchard.
02/23/07   I could prove God statistically. -- George Gallup.
02/22/07   Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. -- Orson Welles.
02/21/07   A cult is a religion with no political power. -- Tom Wolfe.
02/20/07   No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Booth Luce.
02/19/07   It is bad luck to be superstitious. -- Andrew W. Mathis.
02/18/07   I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
02/17/07   Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. -- Wernher von Braun.
02/16/07   Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others. -- Samuel Johnson.
02/15/07   Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things. -- Robert Louis Stevenson.
02/14/07   I am not young enough to know everything. -- Oscar Wilde.
02/13/07   In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
02/12/07   It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety. -- Isaac Asimov.
02/11/07   I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father's religion, if they can find out what it is. -- Charles Lamb.
02/10/07   Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance. -- William Shakespeare.
02/09/07   There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn. -- Albert Camus.
02/08/07   In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams.
02/07/07   Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
02/06/07   I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. -- Henny Youngman.
02/05/07   I never know how much of what I say is true. -- Bette Midler.
02/04/07   Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. -- Ronald Reagan.
02/03/07   Criticism is prejudice made plausible. -- H. L. Mencken.
02/02/07   To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend. -- Jacques Derrida.
02/01/07   Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night. -- Philip K. Dick.
01/31/07   Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. -- Pat Paulsen.
01/30/07   Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. -- Rex Stout.
01/29/07   It's not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed. -- Chuck Palahniuk.
01/28/07   When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business. -- Lenny Bruce.
01/27/07   Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things. -- Robert Louis Stevenson.
01/26/07   Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there. -- Mickey Friedman.
01/25/07   Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. -- George Santayana.
01/24/07   One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing. -- Oscar Wilde.
01/23/07   The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. -- Frank Zappa.
01/22/07   Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. -- Otto von Bismarck.
01/21/07   It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. -- Steven Wright.
01/20/07   I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. -- Will Rogers.
01/19/07   A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. -- Tennessee Williams.
01/18/07   Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four. -- Katharine Hepburn.
01/17/07   Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature. -- Samuel Butler.
01/16/07   Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity. -- Albert Camus.
01/15/07   Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. -- Rene Descartes.
01/14/07   We do what we must, and call it by the best names. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
01/13/07   Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. -- George Burns.
01/12/07   Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise. -- Bertrand Russell.
01/11/07   To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable. -- Oscar Wilde.
01/10/07   Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- Franklin P. Jones.
01/09/07   By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates.
01/08/07   Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money. -- Robin Williams.
01/07/07   I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -- Mark Twain.
01/06/07   Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them. -- Paul Valery.
01/05/07   Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -- Albert Einstein.
01/04/07   We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. -- Robert Wilensky.
01/03/07   To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. -- Voltaire.
01/02/07   When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. -- Thomas Szasz.
01/01/07   Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten. -- B. F. Skinner.


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