DATE     "TODAY'S QUOTE" ARCHIVE   Receive daily quotes from Quotes of the Day.
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12/31/08   I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. -- Noel Coward.
12/30/08   Every crowd has a silver lining. -- Phineas Taylor Barnum.
12/29/08   The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. -- Quentin Crisp.
12/28/08   A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. -- Thomas Hardy.
12/27/08   They certainly give very strange names to diseases. -- Plato.
12/26/08   I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. -- Woody Allen.
12/25/08   And the angel said unto them, Fear not! For, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, Which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David A Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. -- St. Luke.
12/24/08   First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. -- Honore de Balzac.
12/23/08   Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. -- Kurt Vonnegut.
12/22/08   You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand. -- Leonardo da Vinci.
12/21/08   I like life. It's something to do. -- Ronnie Shakes.
12/20/08   It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. -- P. G. Wodehouse.
12/19/08   Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. -- John F. Kennedy.
12/18/08   I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. -- Thomas A. Edison.
12/17/08   I am no more humble than my talents require. -- Oscar Levant.
12/16/08   Grasp the subject, the words will follow. -- Cato the Elder.
12/15/08   A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money. -- Senator Everett Dirksen.
12/14/08   On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. -- Will Rogers.
12/13/08   Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. -- Michael Crichton.
12/12/08   Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil. -- Henry Fielding.
12/11/08   There's the country of America, which you have to defend, but there's also the idea of America. America is more than just a country, it's an idea. An idea that's supposed to be contagious. -- Bono.
12/10/08   What's another word for Thesaurus? -- Steven Wright.
12/09/08   The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. -- Mark Twain.
12/08/08   Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. -- Frank Zappa.
12/07/08   December 7th, 1941 — a date which will live in infamy — the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
12/06/08   Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good. -- Soren Kierkegaard.
12/05/08   Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -- Oscar Wilde.
12/04/08   The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. -- Doug Larson.
12/03/08   Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler. -- Henry David Thoreau.
12/02/08   First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. -- Epictetus.
12/01/08   Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. -- Ken Hakuta.
11/30/08   The least of learning is done in the classrooms. -- Thomas Merton.
11/29/08   Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. -- Benjamin Franklin.
11/28/08   To obtain a man's opinion of you, make him mad. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes.
11/27/08   Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards. -- Fred Hoyle.
11/26/08   I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. -- Mark Twain.
11/25/08   Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw.
11/24/08   To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself. -- Albert Einstein.
11/23/08   Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to be a noose. -- Dan McKinnon.
11/22/08   Winners are men who have dedicated their whole lives to winning. -- Woody Hayes.
11/21/08   We were the Spice Boys. -- George Harrison
11/20/08   A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -- Carrie Snow.
11/19/08   Mother always told me, if you tell a lie, always rehearse it. If it don't sound good to you, it won't sound good to no one else. -- Leroy 'Satchel' Paige
11/18/08   Our aspirations are our possibilities. -- Dr Samuel Johnson.
11/17/08   I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple.
11/16/08   Everyone needs a warm personal enemy or two to keep him free from rust in the movable parts of his mind. -- Gene Fowler.
11/15/08   You always admire what you really don't understand. - Eleanor Roosevelt.
11/14/08   Why is it when we talk to God we're praying - but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic? -- Lily Tomlin.
11/13/08   Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
11/12/08   When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick. -- Bill Lemley
11/11/08   Let everyone sweep in front of his own door and the whole world will be clean. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
11/10/08   The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. -- George F. Will.
11/09/08   Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. -- Lester B. Pearson.
11/08/08   All phone calls are obscene. -- Karen Elizabeth Gordon.
11/07/08   The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is. -- George Bernard Shaw.
11/06/08   I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. -- Jack Handey.
11/05/08   Nobody ever went broke overestimating the stupidity of the American public. -- H.L. Mencken.
11/04/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
11/03/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
11/02/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
11/01/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/31/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/30/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/29/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/28/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/27/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/26/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/25/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/24/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/23/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/22/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/21/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/20/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/19/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/18/08   I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. -- Barack Obama.
10/17/08   Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either. -- Gore Vidal.
10/16/08   It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. -- Steven Wright.
10/15/08   Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
10/14/08   The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel.
10/13/08   Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule. -- Stephen King.
10/12/08   By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. -- Mark Twain.
10/11/08   It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. -- Jackie Mason.
10/10/08   Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. -- Henry Kissinger.
10/09/08   I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it. -- Mark Twain.
10/07/08   This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book - it makes a very poor doorstop. -- Alfred Hitchcock.
10/06/08   Many would be cowards if they had courage enough. -- Thomas Fuller.
10/05/08   I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. -- Robert McCloskey.
10/04/08   The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. -- Russell Green.
10/03/08   If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. -- Oscar Wilde.
10/02/08   I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. -- Mark Twain.
10/01/08   If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. -- Henry David Thoreau.
09/30/08   Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. -- Philip K. Dick.
09/29/08   The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too. -- Oscar Levant.
09/28/08   Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. -- Russell Baker.
09/27/08   Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. -- Wilson Mizner.
09/26/08   The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. -- Henry Kissinger.
09/25/08   I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. -- Groucho Marx.
09/24/08   A motion to adjourn is always in order. -- Robert Heinlein.
09/23/08   If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. -- Henry David Thoreau.
09/22/08   I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises. -- Buzz Aldrin.
09/21/08   To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent. -- Robert Copeland.
09/20/08   To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe. -- Jean-Paul Sartre.
09/19/08   I didn't really say everything I said. -- Yogi Berra.
09/18/08   Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy. -- Robert Anthony.
09/17/08   In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald.
09/16/08   Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. -- Doug Larson.
09/15/08   My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. -- Woody Allen.
09/14/08   I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. -- Henny Youngman.
09/13/08   Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sun-dial in the shade? -- Benjamin Franklin.
09/12/08   There's no praise to beat the sort you can put in your pocket. -- Moliere.
09/11/08   Mix a little foolishness with your prudence: It's good to be silly at the right moment. -- Horace (65 BC - 8 BC).
09/10/08   Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
09/09/08   When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. -- Oscar Wilde.
09/08/08   If it is once again one against forty-eight, then I am very sorry for the forty-eight. -- Margaret Thatcher.
09/07/09   You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. -- Mark Twain.
09/06/08   If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. -- Vince Lombardi.
09/05/08   When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. -- Thomas Szasz.
09/04/08   Go, and never darken my towels again. -- Groucho Marx.
09/03/08   What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. -- Woody Allen.
09/02/08   You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today. -- Abraham Lincoln.
09/01/08   Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. -- Norm Papernick.
08/31/08   Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
08/30/08   Music is essentially useless, as life is. -- George Santayana.
08/29/08   This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
08/28/08   The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it. -- Daniel Webster.
08/27/08   There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously. -- Thomas Sowell.
08/26/08   Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. -- Albert Schweitzer.
08/25/08   Adventure is just bad planning. -- Roald Amundsen.
08/24/08   I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. -- Orson Welles.
08/23/08   Someone's boring me. I think it's me. -- Dylan Thomas.
08/22/08   She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities. -- Henry James.
08/21/08   There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on. -- Robert Byrne.
08/20/08   A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. -- Caskie Stinnett.
08/19/08   There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
08/18/08   I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. -- Fred Allen.
08/17/08   Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses. -- Confucius.
08/16/08   An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
08/15/08   There's no praise to beat the sort you can put in your pocket. -- Moliere.
08/14/08   My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. -- Henny Youngman.
08/13/08   Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. -- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi.
08/12/08   Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. -- W. C. Fields.
08/11/08   Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this flash is everything. -- Henri Poincare.
08/10/08   Never fight an inanimate object. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
08/09/08   Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
08/08/08   Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer. -- Rita Mae Brown.
08/07/08   The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time. -- George Bernard Shaw.
08/06/08   The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young. -- Willa Cather.
08/05/08   Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. -- Henry David Thoreau.
08/04/08   All the world's a cage. -- Jeanne Phillips.
08/03/08   Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death. -- James F. Byrnes.
08/02/08   The more things change, the more they remain insane. -- Michael Fry and T. Lewis.
08/01/08   When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken. -- Benjamin Disraeli.
07/31/08   I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. -- George Best.
07/30/08   A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
07/29/08   Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway. -- John Wayne.
07/28/08   Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. -- Oscar Wilde.
07/27/08   How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. -- Benjamin Disraeli.
07/26/08   Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. -- Terry Pratchett.
07/25/08   There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters. -- Alice Thomas Ellis.
07/24/08   To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable. -- Oscar Wilde.
07/23/08   Crime does not pay... as well as politics. -- Alfred E. Newman.
07/22/08   Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. -- Thomas Szasz.
07/21/08   Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. -- Oscar Wilde.
07/20/08   Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. -- Jeanne Moreau.
07/19/08   I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. -- Ian Fleming.
07/18/08   He knows all about art, but he doesn't know what he likes. -- James Thurber.
07/17/08   Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half. -- John Wanamaker.
07/16/08   The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor. -- William Feather.
07/15/08   Death is only going to happen to you once; I don't want to miss it. -- Jim Morrison.
07/14/08   A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror. -- Ken Keyes Jr.
07/13/08   No man ever listened himself out of a job. -- Calvin Coolidge.
07/12/08   Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough. -- Mark Twain.
07/11/08   An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. -- H. L. Mencken.
07/10/08   An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously. -- Charles F. Kettering.
07/09/08   The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. -- Voltaire.
07/08/08   The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it. -- Warren Buffett.
07/07/08   He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. -- George Bernard Shaw.
07/06/08   My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. -- Errol Flynn.
07/05/08   Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. -- Evan Esar.
07/04/08   I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations. -- James Madison.
07/03/08   I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. -- George Burns.
07/02/08   I don't generally feel anything until noon; then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope.
07/01/08   Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. -- Benjamin Franklin.
06/30/08   Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. -- Will Rogers.
06/29/08   I never vote for anyone; I always vote against. -- W. C. Fields.
06/28/08   Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. -- Lester B. Pearson.
06/27/08   If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. -- Bill Lyon.
06/26/08   Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. -- Laurence J. Peter.
06/25/08   All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. -- Aristotle.
06/24/08   An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. -- Aldous Huxley.
06/23/08   A man builds a fine house; and now he has a master, and a task for life; he is to furnish, watch, show it, and keep it in repair, the rest of his days. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
06/22/08   I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein.
06/21/08   He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. -- Saki.
06/20/08   Have patience awhile; slanders are not long-lived. Truth is the child of time; erelong she shall appear to vindicate thee. -- Immanuel Kant.
06/19/08   The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. -- Benjamin Disraeli.
06/18/08   The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. -- Mark Twain.
06/17/08   The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -- Lily Tomlin.
06/16/08   The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it. -- Woodrow Wilson.
06/15/08   The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. -- Katharine Whitehorn.
06/14/08   Fish and visitors smell in three days. -- Benjamin Franklin.
06/13/08   Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides.
06/12/08   There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. -- Cyril Connolly.
06/11/08   Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. -- Oscar Wilde.
06/10/08   A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. -- Robert Heinlein.
06/09/08   When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
06/08/08   I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. -- Fran Lebowitz.
06/07/08   The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer.
06/06/08   Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary. -- Robert Louis Stevenson.
06/05/08   Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. -- Arthur Schopenhauer.
06/04/08   I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. -- Totie Fields.
06/03/08   Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture. -- Jacquelyn Mitchard.
06/02/08   In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams.
06/01/08   The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. -- George F. Will.
05/31/08   Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. -- Benjamin Franklin.
05/30/08   I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner.
05/29/08   Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. -- Howard Aiken.
05/28/08   Mix a little foolishness with your prudence: It's good to be silly at the right moment. -- Horace (65 BC - 8 BC).
05/27/08   Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. -- Samuel Johnson.
05/26/08   The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. -- Thomas Campbell.
05/25/08   All phone calls are obscene. -- Karen Elizabeth Gordon.
05/24/08   Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished for any very remarkable felicities of expression. -- Amos Bronson Alcott.
05/23/08   I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. -- Rodney Dangerfield.
05/22/08   Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. -- John Wilmot.
05/21/08   He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan.
05/20/08   If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect. -- Ted Turner.
05/19/08   When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henny Youngman.
05/18/08   A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
05/17/08   It's never just a game when you're winning. -- George Carlin.
05/16/08   It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. -- William G. McAdoo.
05/15/08   Make your life a mission - not an intermission. -- Arnold Glasgow.
05/14/08   The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. -- Noel Coward.
05/13/08   Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. -- Douglas Adams.
05/12/08   There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
05/11/08   To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent. -- Robert Copeland.
05/10/08   Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. -- David T. Wolf.
05/09/08   No wise man ever wished to be younger. -- Jonathan Swift.
05/08/08   I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson.
05/07/08   Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely. -- William Penn.
05/06/08   When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. -- Norm Crosby.
05/05/08   In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. -- Napoleon Bonaparte.
05/04/08   An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. -- Laurence J. Peter.
05/03/08   Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed. -- Michael Pritchard.
05/02/08   The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer.
05/01/08   Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event. -- Oscar Wilde.
04/30/08   In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. -- George Orwell.
04/29/08   If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. -- Henry David Thoreau.
04/28/08   When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong - or absolutely right. -- Albert Guinon.
04/27/08   The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. -- George Bernard Shaw.
04/26/08   When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. -- Oscar Wilde.
04/25/08   The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. -- Mark Twain.
04/24/08   When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision. -- Lord Falkland.
04/23/08   Security is a kind of death. -- Tennessee Williams.
04/22/08   To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost. -- Gustave Flaubert.
04/21/08   Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood. -- Louise Beal.
04/20/08   There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. -- Clint Eastwood.
04/19/08   Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow. -- Arthur Stringer.
04/18/08   I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. -- Robert McCloskey.
04/17/08   You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. -- George Burns.
04/16/08   The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. -- Voltaire.
04/15/08   The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time. -- Willie Tyler.
04/14/08   Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well. -- Samuel Butler.
04/13/08   I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
04/12/08   In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. -- Mark Twain.
04/11/08   Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen. -- Bob Edwards.
04/10/08   As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. -- Josh Billings.
04/09/08   When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less. -- Paul Brown.
04/08/08   The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth. -- Charles Luckman.
04/07/08   I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it. -- Thomas Jefferson.
04/06/08   The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. -- Woody Allen.
04/05/08   Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft! -- Theodore Roosevelt.
04/04/08   My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia. -- Dame Edna Everage.
04/03/08   The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois. -- Gustave Flaubert.
04/02/08   There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion. -- Sir Francis Bacon.
04/01/08   The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. -- Thomas Carlyle.
03/31/08   How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. -- Ronald Reagan.
03/30/08   At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies. -- P. G. Wodehouse.
03/29/08   Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings. -- Samuel Johnson.
03/28/08   Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. -- William Feather.
03/27/08   Anything too stupid to be said is sung. -- Voltaire.
03/26/08   Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning. -- Bill Gates.
03/25/08   The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane. -- Nikola Tesla.
03/24/08   You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. -- Plato.
03/23/08   Washington is a place where good ideas go to die. -- Barack Obama.
03/22/08   If men were angels, no government would be necessary. -- James Madison.
03/21/08   Too much of a good thing is wonderful. -- Mae West.
03/20/08   Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. -- Laurence J. Peter.
03/19/08   A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. -- Bob Hope.
03/18/08   To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself. -- Albert Einstein.
03/17/08   There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. -- George Carlin.
03/16/08   I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. -- Mahatma Gandhi.
03/15/08   When you are in any contest you should work as if there were - to the very last minute - a chance to lose it. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
03/14/08   Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. -- Carrie Fisher.
03/13/08   Never stand begging for that which you have the power to earn. -- Miguel de Cervantes.
03/12/08   The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. -- C. S. Lewis.
03/11/08   Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. -- Henry Ford.
03/10/08   Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice. -- George Jackson.
03/09/08   The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes. -- Dave Barry.
03/08/08   The road to hell is paved with adverbs. -- Stephen King.
03/07/08   Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood...Make big plans, aim high in hope and work. -- Daniel H. Burnham.
03/06/08   One of the most sublime experiences we can ever have is to wake up feeling healthy after we have been sick. -- Rabbi Harold Kushner.
03/05/08   It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. -- Oscar Wilde.
03/04/08   This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. -- Will Rogers.
03/03/08   The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is. -- George Bernard Shaw.
03/02/08   When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. -- Thomas Szasz.
03/01/08   Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. -- George Bernard Shaw.
02/29/08   Cynically speaking, one could say that it is true to life to be cynical about it. -- Paul Tillich.
02/28/08   The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others. -- Bertrand Russell.
02/27/08   So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause. -- George Lucas.
02/26/08   Fools admire, but men of sense approve. -- Alexander Pope.
02/25/08   To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe. -- Jean-Paul Sartre.
02/24/08   Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. -- W. Somerset Maugham.
02/23/08   The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. -- George Orwell.
02/22/08   I was going to buy a copy of 'The Power of Positive Thinking' and then I thought: what the hell good would that do? -- Ronnie Shakes.
02/21/08   Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? -- James Thurber.
02/20/08   When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. -- Mark Twain.
02/19/08   When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. -- Gracie Allen.
02/18/08   Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. -- Henry Kissinger.
02/17/08   Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. -- Groucho Marx.
02/16/08   Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer. -- Charles Caleb Colton.
02/15/08   An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. -- H. L. Mencken.
02/14/08   Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. -- H. L. Mencken.
02/13/08   I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it. -- Thomas Jefferson.
02/12/08   You may deceive all the people part of the time, and part of the people all the time, but not all the people all the time. -- Abraham Lincoln.
02/11/08   The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder. -- Alfred Hitchcock.
02/10/08   Never make a defense or an apology until you are accused. -- King Charles I, of England.
02/09/08   Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
02/08/08   The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. -- Quentin Crisp.
02/07/08   Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. -- George S. Patton.
02/06/08   You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. -- Wayne Gretzky.
02/05/08   The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. -- John Kenneth Galbraith.
02/04/08   The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
02/03/08   If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. -- Henry David Thoreau.
02/02/08   Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. -- Diogenes the Cynic.
02/01/08   A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg.
01/31/08   Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again. -- Mike Myers.
01/30/08   If the fans don't wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop 'em. -- Yogi Berra.
01/29/08   My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. -- Woody Allen.
01/28/08   His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. -- Mae West.
01/27/08   The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
01/26/08   The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. -- George Bernard Shaw.
01/25/08   People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. -- Leo J. Burke.
01/24/08   If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. -- Isaac Newton.
01/23/08   Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret. -- Laurence J. Peter.
01/22/08   Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. -- Frank Zappa.
01/21/08   Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born. -- Ronald Reagan.
01/20/08   Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. -- Mark Twain.
01/19/08   The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. -- Peter Drucker.
01/18/08   The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. -- Kahlil Gibran.
01/17/08   Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. -- Elbert Hubbard.
01/16/08   Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. -- Robert Orben.
01/15/08   Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. -- David T. Wolf.
01/14/07   If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough. -- Mario Andretti.
01/13/08   If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. -- Voltaire.
01/12/08   When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, 'Look ... twins!' -- Rodney Dangerfield.
01/11/08   A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. -- Sir Barnett Cocks.
01/10/08   You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. -- Henry Ford.
01/09/08   Work is the curse of the drinking classes. -- Oscar Wilde.
01/08/08   It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. -- George Burns.
01/07/08   To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost. -- Gustave Flaubert.
01/06/08   In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams.
01/05/08   The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. -- Benjamin Disraeli.
01/04/08   Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. -- Mark Twain.
01/03/08   The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. -- Ben Stein.
01/02/08   At 18 our convictions are hills from which we look; At 45 they are caves in which we hide. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald.
01/01/08   You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough. -- Joe E. Lewis.


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