DATE     "TODAY'S QUOTE" ARCHIVE   Receive daily quotes from Quotes of the Day.
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07/29/10   Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate. -- Mark B. Cohen.
07/28/10   One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine. -- Sir William Osler.
07/27/10   Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. -- W. Somerset Maugham.
07/26/10   There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't. -- Robert Benchley.
07/25/10   A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. -- Henry David Thoreau.
07/24/10   Never chase a lie. Let it alone, and it will run itself to death. -- Lyman Beecher.
07/23/10   The only good ideas are the ones I can take credit for. -- R. Stevens.
07/22/10   I improve on misquotation. -- Cary Grant.
07/21/10   Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw.
07/20/10   The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O. -- Martin Mull.
07/19/10   A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. -- Fred Allen.
07/18/10   Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. -- Mark Twain.
07/17/10   Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. -- Chuck Norris.
07/16/10   The price of greatness is responsibility. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
07/15/10   I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. -- e e cummings.
07/14/10   It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. -- H. L. Mencken.
07/13/10   The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. -- Hubert H. Humphrey.
07/12/10   To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. -- Voltaire.
07/11/10   Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. -- Laurence J. Peter.
07/10/10   When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. -- Marquis de la Grange.
07/09/10   We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
07/08/10   Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. -- George Bernard Shaw.
07/07/10   I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. -- Rita Rudner.
07/06/10   It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen.
07/05/10   An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. -- Victor Hugo.
07/04/10   We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. -- Thomas Jefferson, et al.
07/03/10   History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. -- Abba Eban.
07/02/10   He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
07/01/10   Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. -- Laurence J. Peter.
06/30/10   War is not nice. -- Barbara Bush.
06/29/10   I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. -- Michel de Montaigne.
06/28/10   The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. -- Mark Russell.
06/27/10   The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan.
06/26/10   Adventure is just bad planning. -- Roald Amundsen.
06/25/10   As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein.
06/24/10   She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities. -- Henry James.
06/23/10   I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert. -- Demetri Martin.
06/22/10   The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. -- Quentin Crisp.
06/21/10   Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. -- Norman Ford.
06/20/10   Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. -- Bertrand Russell.
06/19/10   I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. -- Mark Twain.
06/18/10   A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company. -- Gian Vincenzo Gravina.
06/17/10   My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. -- Henny Youngman.
06/16/10   You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. -- Michael Pritchard.
06/15/10   I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -- Mark Twain.
06/14/10   I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. -- Fred Allen.
06/13/10   Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant. -- Scott Adams.
06/12/10   Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. -- Sir Richard Steele.
06/11/10   Whoever ceases to be a student has never been a student. -- George Iles.
06/10/10   We are an impossibility in an impossible universe. -- Ray Bradbury.
06/09/10   I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson.
06/08/10   Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -- Thomas A. Edison.
06/07/10   Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney.
06/06/10   I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. -- Ronald Reagan.
06/05/10   Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. -- Will Rogers.
06/04/10   Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. -- Edgar Allan Poe.
06/03/10   Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world. -- Peter York.
06/02/10   Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. -- George Carlin.
06/01/10   No human thing is of serious importance. -- Plato.
05/31/10   Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. -- Frank Dane.
05/30/10   It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -- Aristotle.
05/29/10   The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. -- John Maynard Keynes.
05/28/10   I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away. -- Oscar Levant.
05/27/10   It is a curious thing... that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste. -- Evelyn Waugh.
05/26/10   There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. -- Will Rogers.
05/25/10   An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously. -- Charles F. Kettering.
05/24/10   Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. -- Charles McCabe.
05/23/10   We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. -- Kurt Vonnegut.
05/22/10   I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. -- Wilson Mizner.
05/21/10   Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. -- John Kenneth Galbraith.
05/20/10   If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth.
05/19/10   Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? -- Edgar Bergen.
05/18/10   I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents. -- Sir Winston Churchill.
05/17/10   Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. -- Franklin P. Jones.
05/16/10   Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God. -- Heywood Broun.
05/15/10   You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. -- George Burns.
05/14/10   All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment, and frequently for the worse. -- Benjamin Franklin.
05/13/10   A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. -- David Coblitz.
05/12/10   It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. -- Pierre Beaumarchais.
05/11/10   When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. -- Hunter S. Thompson.
05/10/10   Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death. -- James F. Byrnes.
05/09/10   If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. -- Doug Larson.
05/08/10   Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. -- Ambrose Bierce.
05/07/10   The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back. -- Franklin P. Jones.
05/06/10   Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
05/05/10   Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. -- Napoleon Bonaparte.
05/04/10   A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing. -- Alexander Hamilton.
05/03/10   Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four. -- Katharine Hepburn.
05/02/10   The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth. -- Charles Luckman.
05/01/10   Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. -- Voltaire.
04/30/10   When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less. -- Paul Brown.
04/29/10   Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. -- Frank Leahy.
04/28/10   You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too. -- John Kenneth Galbraith.
04/27/10   People who reach the top of the tree are only those who haven't got the qualifications to detain them at the bottom. -- Peter Ustinov.
04/26/10   My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. -- Errol Flynn.
04/25/10   There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. -- Thomas A. Edison.
04/24/10   I didn't really say everything I said. -- Yogi Berra.
04/23/10   In the fight between you and the world, back the world. -- Frank Zappa.
04/22/10   An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
04/21/10   Children are all foreigners. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
04/20/10   Everything you can imagine is real. -- Pablo Picasso.
04/19/10   Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. -- Andre Gide.
04/18/10   To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent. -- Robert Copeland.
04/17/10   Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx.
04/16/10   To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. -- Quentin Crisp.
04/15/10   Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable. -- Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
04/14/10   Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. -- Will Durant.
04/13/10   All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. -- Fran Lebowitz.
04/12/10   It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. -- Abraham Lincoln.
04/11/10   The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question. -- Stephen Jay Gould.
04/10/10   The human brain is unique in that it is the only container of which it can be said that the more you put into it, the more it will hold. -- Glenn Doman.
04/09/10   One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. -- Larry Gelbart.
04/08/10   Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. -- Friedrich von Schiller.
04/07/10   A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis.
04/06/10   O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. -- Saint Augustine.
04/05/10   Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. -- George Bernard Shaw.
04/04/10   The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it. -- C. P. Snow.
04/03/10   I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -- Gilda Radner.
04/02/10   Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have. -- Ernest Haskins.
04/01/10   I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way. -- Carl Sandburg.
03/31/10   Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality. -- George Santayana.
03/30/10   Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. -- Allan Goldfein.
03/29/10   Equations are the devil's sentences. -- Stephen Colbert.
03/28/10   All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. -- George Orwell.
03/27/10   Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens. -- Nick Diamos.
03/26/10   America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole. -- Bobcat Goldthwaite.
03/25/10   Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. -- David T. Wolf.
03/24/10   Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. -- Mark Twain.
03/23/10   The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
03/22/10   Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. -- George Bernard Shaw.
03/21/10   Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. -- Michael Crichton.
03/20/10   A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire.
03/19/10   The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. -- Larry Hardiman.
03/18/10   It is a common delusion that you make things better by talking about them. -- Dame Rose Macaulay.
03/17/10   Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. -- James M. Barrie.
03/16/10   The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. -- Benjamin Disraeli.
03/15/10   Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. -- Henry David Thoreau.
03/14/10   The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. -- Henry Kissinger.
03/13/10   In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. -- George Orwell.
03/12/10   California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange. -- Fred Allen.
03/11/10   I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. -- Groucho Marx.
03/10/10   Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. -- Kin Hubbard.
03/09/10   Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain.
03/08/10   There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else. -- James Thurber.
03/07/10   There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause. -- P. J. O'Rourke.
03/06/10   To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend. -- Jacques Derrida.
03/05/10   The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern. -- Lord Acton.
03/04/10   Humility is the embarrassment you feel when you tell people how wonderful you are. -- Laurence J. Peter.
03/03/10   Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. -- Oscar Wilde.
03/02/10   Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -- Albert Einstein.
03/01/10   Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. -- W. C. Fields.
02/28/10   I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good…Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder. -- Jay Leno.
02/27/10   When you fight something, you only make it stronger. -- Chuck Palahniuk.
02/26/10   People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. -- Soren Kierkegaard.
02/25/10   One must have a good memory to be able to keep the promises one makes. -- Friedrich Nietzsche.
02/24/10   Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them. -- Dr. Martin Henry Fischer.
02/23/10   An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. -- Friedrich Engels.
02/22/10   Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one. -- Charles Mackay.
02/21/10   I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. -- Michel de Montaigne.
02/20/10   A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money. -- Senator Everett Dirksen.
02/19/10   Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage. -- Evan Esar.
02/18/10   Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. -- Ronald Reagan.
02/17/10   The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. -- George F. Will.
02/16/10   Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. -- W. C. Fields.
02/15/10   The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish. -- Robert Jackson.
02/14/10   Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. -- Hobart Brown.
02/13/10   I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. -- William H. Mauldin.
02/12/10   For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. -- Virginia Woolf.
02/11/10   The truth is more important than the facts. -- Frank Lloyd Wright.
02/10/10   Posterity is as likely to be wrong as anyone else. -- Heywood Broun.
02/09/10   There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action. -- Bertrand Russell.
02/08/10   All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -- Sean O'Casey.
02/07/10   When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. -- Brendan Behan.
02/06/10   One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. -- Bertrand Russell.
02/05/10   The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. -- George Orwell.
02/04/10   Security is a kind of death. -- Tennessee Williams.
02/03/10   An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens. -- Robert Benchley.
02/02/10   Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. -- Malcolm Forbes.
02/01/10   The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced. -- Vic Gold.
01/31/10   Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency. -- Raymond Chandler.
01/30/10   Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn.
01/29/10   We cannot fail to win unless we fail to try. -- Tom Clancy.
01/28/10   Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. -- Will Rogers.
01/27/10   Communism is like one big phone company. -- Lenny Bruce.
01/26/10   The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. -- Ambrose Bierce.
01/25/10   Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. -- Cullen Hightower.
01/24/10   It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. -- James Thurber.
01/23/10   We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
01/22/10   All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. -- Mark Twain.
01/21/10   I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright.
01/20/10   A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. -- Bob Hope.
01/19/10   But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. -- Benjamin Franklin.
01/18/10   This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. -- Will Rogers.
01/17/10   Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty. -- Leo Rosten.
01/16/10   Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. -- Thomas Szasz.
01/15/10   People seldom become famous for what they say until after they are famous for what they've done. -- Cullen Hightower.
01/14/10   Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well. -- Samuel Butler.
01/13/10   What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. -- Samuel Johnson.
01/12/10   To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle. -- George Orwell.
01/11/10   Assumptions are the termites of relationships. -- Henry Winkler.
01/10/10   There are worse things than looking stupid. Sleeping through life is one of them. -- Laura Preble.
01/09/10   The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane. -- Nikola Tesla.
01/08/10   The road to hell is paved with adverbs. -- Stephen King.
01/07/10   No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Booth Luce.
01/06/10   There is no mistaking a real book when one meets it. It is like falling in love. -- Christopher Morley.
01/05/10   Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. -- Kin Hubbard.
01/04/10   I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. -- Voltaire.
01/03/10   A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw.
01/02/10   Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. -- Martin Luther King Jr.
01/01/10   The secret of being boring is to say everything. -- Voltaire.


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